Rebecca Re-Alligns

Updated November 21, 1995 by Rebecca L. Eisenberg

Hello, and welcome to Rebecca's Rants, Volume II! Tired of having to hear ordinary opinions on events? Then you've come to the right place! With Rebecca's Rants, you can hear mine! The following points of view are mine and mine alone. If you care to respond, you may do so by writing to, and maybe I will even post my response to you here!

This week's topic: Why I Am No Longer A Lawyer, AKA Recycled E-Mails, AKA I Realize This Is Old News And Getting Boring But Bear With Me While I Continue To Make Offerings To The Muses.

Part I: Nightmare Bogus Poetry (with apologies to Beck, and his Nightmare Hippie Girl) ... dated October 30, 1995.

A poem: "Rebecca Resigned" ... sung to the tune of "roses are red, violets are blue"
by rebecca lynn eisenberg
dedicated to all of her very personal friends on her very personal internet mailing list.

it's monday nite, i'm half asleep
but i had to write a note
to share my news with my net-friends
on the mailing list i wrote.

you see, i finally left my job
and won't be there tomorrow
but trust me when i tell you that
my heart's not filled with sorrow.

to those of you who've known me long,
this news should not be huge.
i merely write it on this page
to pre-empt the gossip luge.

i needed time to find myself
and what i do the best.
and how could i even function when
i was getting almost no rest?

a workday from 8 to 10
is fine when you like what you do,
but my mind kept wandering in search
of finding pastures blue.

for quite some time, i have believed
that much of this was wrong.
i lunged ahead without much thought
and followed with the throng.

and each next step and each next move
made leaving the path harder
i thought that a new job would suit me fine,
but i should have been smarter.

i reached a point that when i thought
about my next step and next year
all the options looked so bad,
i filled with dread and fear.

so then i left--i'm on my own
for now, a poor freelancer.
if i need cash, perhaps i'll temp
or be a men's club dancer.

my business card, made yesterday
states my short-term line:
"infobahn with attitude ...
not just your ordinary web page creation & design ...

mac consulting, internet publishing,
digital photography, ...
fashion, help in getting seen,
and stand-up comedy."

okay, so it's nuts, a little risky,
and slightly off-the-wall ...
but even if i make no dough,
i'll at least have a ball.

there are some things i've always loved--
writing, music, film and technology,
i love to think about pop culture
and surround myself with creativity.

in every job i took in law
i felt like an impostor ...
as hard as i tried to play the role
the toll on my psyche was getting costlier.

i'm tired of colleagues telling me
that i just don't fit in ...
as if changing hair or speaking slang
were such an awful sin!

if i don't write, and watch, and film
i think i may go crazy ...
already many of my former dreams
have started to grow hazy.

i only hope that what i saw
as a need to *be* my own business
does not boil down to a mere case
of gen-X apathetic laziness.

(altho i guess i should interject here
that my most recent-past employer
is actually quite supportive of
this confused and angst-ful lawyer.)

in the meanwhile, i sit behind
my puter and compose,
and remind myself that there are always highs
to accompany the lows.

so, soon, i guess i'll pack my things
and vamoose from ole' houston
it's not that i don't love it here ...
but this phase may soon be done.

i guess it's now to pick a spot
san francisco or l.a. ....
although i always saw myself
in NYC someday.

the point is that, i just don't know
what or where will be my next thing ...
in the meanwhile, i ask you not to call me
at the chambers of judge king.

and please be patient if you do
not receive many long distance calls ...
it's just that at this point, i won't even have
the privilege of shopping at malls.

but write me here, and call me too!
since the `whole story' is too long
and convoluted and confused
to place into this song.

and if you have a job for me
i'll stick it in my file
of many options that appear
when you step out for a while.

so, from stanford to harvard, to l.a.
to d.c., to houston, to unemployed ...
and still i haven' t found what i've been looking for
in all the venues i've toyed.

and now i only have one wish
as i leave lawyerly strife ...
i only hope that i regain
what i thought of once as a life.

to sleep, to write, to watch tv ..
to see a big-screen movie.
to play on the beach, or in the rain,
in short, i guess, to "vie".

i apologize for this long whine
that droned on and on forever...
i end it with my favorite verse, from my hero,
dorothy parker:

"if i don't drive
around the park,
i'm pretty sure
to make my mark.
if i'm in bed
each nite by ten,
i may get back
my looks again.
if i abstain
from fun and such,
i'll probably
amount to much
but i shall stay
the way i am
because i do not give a damn."

so look for me, or my business card
in your mailbox or on your table.
cuz i'm still reaching for the stars
as much as i am able.

Part II: poem for my headhunter, who told me that i'm throwing my life away, and made me cry.

you look at me
and what you see
is a dire lack of

i look right back
at your face
and know inside
it's not the case.

what you see
as my omission
perhaps is your
loss of commission.

Part III: My New Job, dated November 7, 1995.

(sorry, no time for poetry this time ... i have to get to work today :) !

Thanks to everyone who responded to my job-angst song with support, advice, and job offers! :) That was fun!

As it turns out, there is a market for macintosh-obsessed, internet-inspired queens of bad TV and angry chick-rock like myself in houston!

Yesterday I was offered a job as the `architect' and designer of the web site for houston's most cool record store, Sound Exchange (actually, my predecessor was more the original architect, while I will play the part of the interior designer and addition constructor). I'll be working 32 (minimum) to 40 (maximum) hours a week at a very hip record store, playing with their powermac 7100, scanner, quicktime camera, and, most excitingly, ISDN connection to the net. The powers-that-be at sound exchange decided to set up their own server rather than run through an ISP, so i'll gain experience with macHTTP and perhaps Webstar as well as BBEedit, adobe acrobat, and photoshop.

My job requirements include keeping up on the current state of the net as well as pop culture, so my required reading includes Wired, Rolling Stone, the Drew zine and Snow Crash; my required watching includes my favorite Fine Line films, My So-Called Life and MTV; and I am encouraged to keep up on the most cutting edge computer games! I can dress in my customary weird shoes, tease and spray, as well as dye my hair to my little heart's content, and speak in as much slang as I find aesthetically pleasing. My co-workers include musicians, record collectors, and gex-X slacker (and non-slacker)-types, as well as truly inspired music people. My "office" is the coolest record store in houston, specializing in vinyl discs and indie labels.

I will be working approximately 1/2 as many hours as before, earning approximately 1/2 of my former salary plus *free* health insurance ... and still have time to work free-lance as a writer, web designer, digital photographer, and mac/internet consultant (possibly for my internet service provider) (so keep those job offers coming! :). My predecessor will stick around for a while to train me first-hand, and I will have the divine pleasure of working alongside a genuine net-expert who will help with the technical aspects of the job, and is an amazing resource on hackers, cyberpunk culture, and cool computer tricks. If all goes as planned, I will emerge from this job, when i am ready to move, as a much-better-skilled computer and multimedia geek.

Needless to say:

*****BLISS***** !!!!!!!

So, anyway, Sound Exchange does have a phone number, but it just might be easier to find me at ... (as well as my current email and snail mail addresses and phone number).

I still intend to return, hopefully, to the bay area or so-cal (or to the big apple ... if i could ever afford it) ... but, in the meanwhile, come visit me in houston already! it's a beautiful 75 degree sunny day, and the moral to my story should be fairly visible in this new light. :) (to wit: always remember to send around those chain letters when you receive them:)

Thanks again for all of your kind words of support, profound words of wisdom, unbelievably useful help, and good luck charms. I am truly lucky to have friends like y'all!!!!

a very happy rebecca/becky/ex-esq....

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To read last month's Rant, , aka More OJ Simpson Snooze Material, click here.


Rant on, Rebecca!


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Copyright 1995 Rebecca Eisenberg