I really don't remember that night well at all; James I guess talked a lot about it, but I sure didn't. I vaguely remember getting home and then later someone I was seeing at the time came over, which was my intention all along. C and I arrived at Matt's party around midnight, after everyone was pretty drunk. She and I were stone sober and I basically just remember fucking with the guys that were there, just for the hell of it. They were getting a little mad. I found it amusing.

So I asked C to write out her memory of the evening. She wrote:

What James wrote was so mean and off base. While this letter might be harsh, at least it is the truth. I have no idea why he would choose to post those lies. It is even scarier if he truly believes that; if he doesn't know how wrong his perception of the evening's events really is. What is frightening is the overt hostility that he demonstrates; why does he harbor such hostility if James was the one who rejected Rebecca?

James mentions that he told about this incident to only "a handful" of his friends; to us the evening was never mentioned again until now. Rebecca dropped me off at home, and then, she says, she got together with the person she had been dating at the time. For us there _was_ no incident. And that is what is so strange.

The basic summary of the evening was as follows:

James was fascinated with Rebecca. His eyes appeared glazed and intense as he talked with Rebecca in the kitchen. (He could have been drunk or perhaps this is his usual look. Having never met him before, I really can't say.)

Rebecca was enjoying fucking (verbally) with him and his friends, greatly upsetting them with her comments about gender construction. We stayed about an hour. James followed us out of the party as we departed, and asked for a ride home, even though he lived only two and a half blocks away.

What is really important to mention is that we had to walk about two blocks to get to Rebecca's car; by the time we got to her car, his apartment was only like a block away. But we gave him a ride home anyway.

Quite frankly, I was eager for him to get out of the car, as he was so fervently attracted to Rebecca that the intensity was nauseating to bystanders. I do remember it being irritating. I had had to spend a lot of time with them in the kitchen, and it was kindof grossing me out; he was obsessed with the anger thing and it was giving him an erotic kick. He was so clearly wrapped around her pinky, so easily taken in and affected; he was letting her get to him too much; that is what bothered me.

When we arrived at James apartment, Rebecca did not turn off the ignition; the overhead lights were on; the door was open; the automated open-door signal was beeping; yet James seemed hesitant to leave. He leaned towards Rebecca and planted a kiss (actually, more like a peck) on her cheek/mouth; I'm not sure where he landed. (I was in the back seat, more than a little embarrassed for him.)

I have known Rebecca for nearly 20 years, and I know when she is attracted to a person: James Au is not a person to whom she was remotely interested in doing anything other than fucking with his head. She was enjoying the attention, but was mocking him the whole time and was enjoying watching him become enraged by her comments. He was merely a marionette; she was pulling all of his strings.

There was no mention of dinner; only a desperate (it was desperate) attempt on James's part to get together or go back to Rebecca's place or something. Rebecca laughed, in a part smug, part mocking, part polite manner, and made some mention of, "if you behave, there is more of that where that came from," referring to his kiss. It is amazing that he could interpret that comment as some sort of quid pro quo sex for dinner, especially when I know Rebecca and believe me, I know that dinner is not a prerequisite.

What James wrote makes no sense. How could Rebecca be a prude if James "rejected" her, as he says. The truth is that Rebecca is not a prude and Rebecca rejected James's advances. James was the one that propositioned Rebecca. It seems so silly to even have this argument, but from reading what he had written, which was completely absurd, we are reduced to this.

Here's how I saw it -- James was not unlike a dog in some sort of scientific experiment. Like where there is a plate a food, and the dog desperately wants the food, but the dog gets shocked each time he lunges to take a bite of the food. The dog becomes frenzied and confused; his food impulse overrides the shock, yet the pain impulse both excites the frenzy and confuses him... so the dog keeps leaping up to get the food anyway; as if obsessed with it. I saw a special on a dog with obsessive/compulsive disorder that lept repeatedly into a wall until his nose was red and raw; the dog eventually died of obsessive/compulsive disorder. James reminded me of this dog.

And reading what James wrote on the WELL only further confirms my fears that he too might be a victim of obsessive/compulsive disorder.

After James's last desperate attempt at engaging Rebecca failed, these posts on the WELL may just be another tactic at getting her attention so he that he can feel all tingly and embroiled like he was in that kitchen.

I guess that that is kinda mean; I have nothing against James; he is no doubt a noble enough being in this universe of ours; but when I read such blatant untruths, I am compelled to set the record straight.

i hate to say it but i don't want you.
sexist assholes don't do it for me, sorry.
no, fucking two chicks at once does not make you "enlightened"

back to october 5, 1997 ReadMe