READ ME ... yeah, right. Right?

I'm sick of everyone else having on-line diaries. I want one too.

What is this all about? Maybe you should read the READ ME READ ME.

March 4, 1996: a little solace

2:30 a.m. on monday morning, and i should be tired, but i am not.

maybe my old self is indeed returning!

today was packed.

i spent the first four hours in santa cruz, at the very wonderful party thrown by the residents of the tower geek house. that was cool. i loved meeting all of my icb friends in "physical reality," as one of them would say.

and, at four a.m., instead of staying the night in santa cruz, as i had originally planned to do, i drove back to san francisco. i am not exactly certain why i did that, but i think it had something to do with my need to let things sink in, slowly, as well as my desire to experience the beautiful drive on an almost-empty road.

almost-empty roads are wonderful for thinking.

and when i returned home, i thought some more.

i realized a lot of things.

first, i realized that there are too many men in my life who are nice to me only because they hope to sleep with me.

to that extent, ice-t was right.

which is totally fucking infuriating. sure, i like sex as much as the next person -- maybe even more than the next person -- but sometimes i want to discuss unix and/or politics, not get naked.

call me crazy.

i think i might be celibate for a while.

i also realized that i just might be too driven and work-oriented ever to have a so-called "real" relationship, unless my partner is just as driven and work-related as i am, and likes to spend all day working and/or discussing unix and politics.

that is how john was. he and i used to stay at work together until 3 a.m. on a regular basis. only we discussed law and politics, instead of unix and politics.

third, i realized that i can only date someone who really truly values and seeks out my opinion. so far that i have been out here, i have not met any one such person who both respected and sought out my opinion and wanted to date me.

i also heard an upsetting story today. a male friend of mine, who is recruiting for an exciting new internet start-up, strongly suggested that he would not want to hire a woman that he suspected he might want to sleep with.

with almost all of the hirers male, should it be surprising that so few women are hired for upper-level positions at high-tech start-ups?

i am beginning to conclude that the high-tech world is just as sexist as the legal profession. the only difference with this world is that the men have long hair here.

if men would like me to stop being so bitter and angry, then why don't they stop doing things that piss me off?





or, if you must, back to Rebecca's Revenge

Copyright 1996 Rebecca Eisenberg