sorry!

i felt badly about missing one day. i felt worse about missing two days. and, as each day passed, the burden i was placing on myself to put something good up when i finally reappeared mounted.

and, it was not that i was not doing anything over the course of the last two weeks, and therefore had nothing to write about; rather, it was that i was doing far to many things, and had far too many things to write about!

since it makes little sense for me to organize all of these things in chronological order at this point, i will try to list them by category instead.

obsessions: things i obsessed about over the past two weeks (roughly in order of obsession)

• connecting the computer in my apartment to the t-1 router at cyborganic one block away via a thinnet line

• connecting the computer in my apartment to the t-1 router at cyborganic one block away by other means.

• the various advantages and disadvantages of coaxial ethernet cable, twisted pair ethernet cable, fiber optic cable, and isdn lines.

• i am not kidding!

• trying to line up people to help me run this cable after i finally decided on coaxial and went ahead and bought 1500 feet of it.

• obsessing over how overwhelmed i am by what i need to do for the cyborganic project i am working on

• obsessing over whether i will ever get paid for doing what i enjoy doing

• bemoaning a capitalist society where value is governed by money

• hating money

• freaking out over my taxes

• mac o/s 7.5.1 versus mac o/s 7.5.3

• obsessing about all of the magazine articles i wanted to write

• obsessing over the fact that i was not writing any of the magazine articles that i wanted to write

• obsessing over my utter lack of stablity in my life

• thinking about how great my parents are

• wishing i had health care

• thinking about what vows i wanted to make for myself for the event of the spring equinox

• realizing that the vow that i really need to make, "stop being so hard on yourself" was unproductive and inefficient and therefore discarding it.

things i was doing

• spending a lot of time meeting neat people on line

• spending a lot of time meeting neat people face to face!

• manically working on my cyborganic secret plot

• attending and leading several meetings.

• trying not to be frustrated and overwhelmed.

• being frustrated and overwhelmed

• not getting enough appreciation, that's for sure!

• finally taking my tax stuff in to h & r block

• reading all about mac o/s version 7.5.3 versus mac o/w version 7.5.1

• never putting my mac down long enough actually to insall mac o/s 7.5.3 even though it is in fact much better than mac o/s version 7.5.1

• signing up for non-group health care

• not watching that much t.v., for once

• but that is not because tv is inherently bad! it was just boring! and i was busy!

• killing off hopes of romance and fulfilling relationships on account of being too frustrated and overwhelmed, and because there was nothing good on t.v.

• seeing a few live bands.

• falling in love with blues again.

excuses

• i'm too busy!

• i'm too stressed!

• i have too much to do!

• i don't have an ethernet connection to the cyborganic router!

• the phone rang!

• my mac crashed!

• no one appreciates me!

• i can't deal with this!

• no one does what i tell them to do, why should i?

types of food i ate

• mexican (several vegetarian burritos)

• indian (spicey variety)

• chinese take-out (spicey here too!)

• italian (of the pasta variety, and pizza)

• meditteranean (of course)

• bailey's light ... and more bailey's light ... and more bailey's light

bad things that happened

• missing the wedding of yale's sister

• hearing that other fucked up trippy things happened in that family which meant that i should have been there.

• being upset about that for a long time, but not really talking to anyone about it.

• feeling like i just couldn't maintain a relationship with a person i was dating because i was too overwhelmed

• hating myself because of that

• dealing with christine's sick cat

• dealing with christine's dead cat

• feeling bad for christine

• dealing with rude conceited people on the icb

• but hanging out with the rude conceited people on the icb regardless

good things that happened

• slowly making progress

• learning that health care is really not that expensive

• learning that i am going to get a huge tax refund, when i had feared a bill

• spending time with some people that i like a lot, and even respect

• learning a hell of a lot about unix, computers, and, in particular, different forms of cable connectivity

• maintaining hope for the future