What is this all about? Maybe you should read the READ ME READ ME.
april 29, 1996: score!
score! i received some questions over the weekend. this is actually kinda fun. i love to give advice!
i have some money and i want to be a good capitalist. should i buy the gucci loafers, over which i've had multiple conniptions--but i'll only have enough left to take me and my sweetie out to burritos...or should i buy kenneth coles, and wear them to vertigo and the starlite room?
saving it is not an option...and looking glamorous is number one priority.
p.s. this lowercase typing thing is mighty agreeable!
hey, you got money? R U M or F? R U cute?
do you wanna invest in a cutting-edge internet start-up?
i just looked it up, and yes, you did spell "conniption" correctly. nonetheless, i wonder, why do gucci loafers put you into "a fit of rage, hysteria, or alarm?" (according to the merriam-webster pocket-sized dictionary).
a true capitalist would not be frightened by a pair of shoes, no?
but more to the point, the word "hysteria" has an incredibly sexist etymology ... from the point of view that people with uteruses (uteri? and why is the word "uterus" a "male" latin term?) are insane. THERE IS NO EVIDENCE THAT WE CHICKS ARE UNSTABLE BECAUSE WE HAVE UTERI. get with the program.
i am not sure where exactly vertigo and the starlite room are, but i can tell you that i just invested in a pair of shoes myself. i bought myself a pair of eight-inch spiked heel black patent leather platform pumps, and wore them on saturday night to the capitalism party at The Resort . standing on the spikes was very difficult. i fell dozens of times, dumping cider and mudslide and goldschlager onto the floor and all over the hapless party-goers who happened to be in the alcohol's tangent as it flew threw space and i hit the sticky (from previous spills of mine) floor. ah, 'twas a fabulous party!
since the theme of the capitalism party was, of course, capitalism (hence the name), we all were instructed to participate in the theme by selling a good or service. being the conniving capitalist i am, i sold flattery that i wrote out for people on colored four by six notecards. turns out that flattery was a very marketable product. perhaps it is because geeks are so starved for it. but the geeks, in their capitalist attire, did look lovely. geeks really should flatter each other more often.
towards the end of the night, i had traded so much flattery for drinks (yes, i do think that bartering is a capitalistic concept) that i lost track of the notecards and ended up giving away the flattery for free.
the moral of this story: if you want to be a good capitalist, do not drink too much, and be sure to invest in the proper footwear.
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or, if you must, back to Rebecca's Revenge
Copyright 1996 Rebecca Eisenberg email@example.com