READ ME ... yeah, right. Right?

I'm sick of everyone else having on-line diaries. I want one too.

What is this all about? Maybe you should read the READ ME READ ME.

april 13, 1997:
happy birthday to me

Sometime or other about 6 months ago, I decided that it was boring to be age 28 and I started calling myself 29. 29 seemed like a nice number -- prime, right before 30, like a price tag on an item that is far more expensive than it appears, or like the last chapter in a book. Almost there, but not there. Anticipation, close to climax. 29.

Despite the fact that I do find the celebration of birthdays often an imposition on friends, I like to take the time to reflect (well, I guess I'll take any opportunity I can to reflect, it seems).

I am 29 and I pretty much know who I want to be, where I want to go, how I want to live. But I'm not there yet; I'm not ready yet. I want to write a good book, but I am not good enough yet. I want to return to academia, but it is still too early. I want to be a great writer, but I'm not yet; I am still learning. I want to raise a child (or children) but I cannot yet; I cannot afford to raise it the way I want to yet. These things are clear. And it is okay; I have time.

Many people dread becoming 30, but I look forward to it. With 30 comes a certain increase in credibility, a certain acknowledgment of life experience. I never related to the stereotype of the 20-something; I never had anything in common with the aesthetic of the GenX slacker. (To be honest, I don't know too many people who do.) I am looking forward to be free of that.

The 20's are supposed to be the years of experimenting and making a lot of bad choices. I pretty much excelled in that area. So turning 30 will be pretty high-pressure.

I want to believe that thing about the 30's being the decade that everything finally comes together. But I look at the 30-somethings I know and I'm not convinced. Once I turn 30, which I am looking forward to, I will lose something very very big -- looking forward to being 30.

So I try not to think about it. I just try to focus on the final goal, and move towards there, slowly. 29 is fine for now.

free the world
Year of the Armed Woman
joinIN (if you dare)

thanks, COMOFLOW





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Copyright 1996, 1997 Rebecca L. Eisenberg All rights Reserved.