Guilt is a wasted emotion. It comes after the fact, and by the time that you actually experience guilt, the harm that you feel guilty about has already been done, and all you can do is your best to make amends, but you cannot change the past. While you are busy feeling guilty, and most likely consequently miserable as well, you could be doing something to improve the situation.

Guilt can also be a malicious emotion, when you take out your guilt on completely unrelated people. It is never fun to harbor guilt-ridden self-blame, so sometimes people conveniently blames others. Do not fall into that trap. Guilty-feeling people are not fun to hang out with.

Guilt is nothing but selfishness. Stop feeling sorry for yourself; get off your ass and do something about the bad things you have done. While you wallow in your guilt, the situation only gets worse.

Guilt stories are a dime a dozen. Once, when I was feeling paticularly stressed about a law review article I was writing, I nervously ate all the raisins -- and only the raisins -- out of Christine's Raisin Bran. "I feel guilty," I told her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't feel guilty," she instructed, wisely. "Just go buy me a new box."

So I did.

I now feel guilty.

I cannot answer your email. I may not return your calls. I most likely will not meet you and your boyfriend out for dinner. I have not been updating this part of the page, and it is a trend that I suspect may continue. I am too damn busy, and it is my own damn fault.

I am working on a book. It is an overwhelming project. I am moving (again) (but yes, within town) at the end of the month. I am eyeball-deep in taxes. I'm still doing my column (and some other work as well). I am trying to keep my pre-existing obligations, much less my pre-existing friendships. I'm spending a lot of time with one particular person. I like all these things, and I have chosen to do all these things ... with the exception of taxes. These things are my priorities. They are my choices. And because of those choices, I am dissing you, and I feel, well, guilty.

In order to make amends in advance, I want to ask you not to take it personally. When I think of more ways to mitigate my self-blame, you will be the first to know. There must be some.

In the meantime, thanks for understanding. And if you wrote me, or asked me to do something and I cannot, or invited me somewhere that you know I cannot go to, please don't feel guilty yourself. Guilt is a wasted emotion. And even more wasted is this guilt about guilt.